Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
My Links
Dad
My official home
Suckhole Number 1
Suckhole Number 2
Rest of the conga line
Top sort
Fat slut
Busted dunny
Another busted dunny
Posts from beginning
Funny pricks
Blog Search Engine
The duck guy
More funny pricks
A yobbo, alright
Arselikki Vikki
Weevil pundit, more like!
Plague carriers
Attila the Nancy Boy
Aussie view. Seppo content.
Fusty wuss
My car's better
Was a cabbie. Now a tranny.
"Splatts" the Hicktorian hack
Vicious hacks
Spew from the Right
Spunky Canadian sheila
Ausculture
Blair's Blair
A poof called Derek
Duck guy's blog
Duck guy's other blog
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
About this blog:
This is the place for the real Mark Latham; the Mark Latham who toiled his clacker off in grinding poverty to become dux of his school; the Mark Latham who built his own ladder of opportunity, then scaled it himself with buggerall help from anybody else (er, except full-on legend and mentor Gough Whitlam - Dad, I love ya!); the Mark Latham who is mad as hell, and isn't gonna take it anymore - particularly from the Yanks and their pop-cultural, celluloid imperialism!
So, to all my readers from all over the joint: If you want to know the watered-down, official, media-friendly "Latham Lite" then watch me on the box, read about me in the press, go to the ALP website, etc. But if you want to know what I'm really thinking and feeling then keep coming back here, alright?
And please give a few bob if you can spare it. (It's for the ducks, not me.)
Chicks are forever hurling themselves at me (did you know Rachel Ward has a shrine to me in her bedroom?). But if you're not so lucky with the opposite sex, you might want to have a squizz at the sites below. For every sign-up, an orphaned duck finds a new home.
Here are some other sites you might want to have a perve at:
Lest any Tory bastard say that because I'm a socialist I'm entirely against earning a few extra bob, here's a link to the world's largest online classified ad service.
Below is a Seppo outfit. (But it's not bad, apparently.)
Click here to buy posters!
(You never know. They might even have one of me!)
Are you majorly shat off about something? Chockas with existential angst? Or do you just want to talk to someone you know cares big time? Then send your "Dear Mark" letter to: arselicker-kicker at loveable.com (Donations are not mandatory, but they are appreciated.)
 Web Hosting & Domain Registration |
Remember that duck guy I was telling you about? Yeah, well, he's asked me to put a list of traffic exchanges up on my blog.
The bloke's a bit of a dipstick, but considering all the good work he's done for my beaky brothers, I said yes.
Here they are:
Traffic Swarm
Web Biz Insider
Clicks Matrix
Traffic Project
Clickin' Fingers
Pro Hits Plus
Stock Traffic
Funny Farm Traffic
Hit Safari
Traffic Roundup
Weblog Directory - Directory of blogs from all around the world.
Click here to make money doing online surveys!
| Oz goes arse-about |
| 05.31.04 (6:25 pm) [edit] |
|
For bloody yonks now, yours truly has been villified as the ne-plus-fucking-ultra of flip flopping. But as I've pointed out many times on this very blog there are heaps of pollies on the other side of the floor - as well as shitloads of craven Arse-licker-licking hacks - who have also perfected the intellectual u-ie, big time. And now, it's the not-quite-so bonzer people of this ex-pearler of a nation who have adopted this habit - and with extreme prejudice. I mean, fuck! Cop an optic of this latest poll result. What the fuck is going on here, people? Hacks have written that it's a delayed reaction to the budget. Piss off! It's clearly something else. I've just been employing my ultra-chunky uber-clumps of Gordianically-knotted neuronal ganglia (ie: bonce) to the task of analysing the phenomenon, and I've come to this shit-hot and apposite bloody conclusion: Labor's reluctant acquiescence on the Arselicker's wussy and homophobic gay marriage ban, plus my well-intentioned but ill-advised policy re single mums (thanks for the tip, True Believer - maybe you actually are one after all) is the ultimate cause for the swing. Especially the single mum thing. I mean, in my electorate there's bloody heaps of them. You see them - durry in one hand, sprog in the other - almost everywhere you bloody look! If Campbelltown is any guide, there must be at least a million in the whole country. I mean, you do the math. A million mummies all spitting the dummy could easily skew the results. Then there's the Green element. If I've really shat off ol' Bob Brown-nose with the gay marriage stance, it's quite possible that he has launched a massive covert campaign against me, demanding that all his acolytes responding to the poll say that they'll vote for Bonsai instead. I mean, that's just the kind of thing a homosexual would do isn't it? You know how petty they are. What do you reckon? Top theory or what? |
| "Warm" my arse! |
| 05.29.04 (9:03 pm) [edit] |
|
Fair dinkum, the Arselicker has cranked out some majorly whiffy bullshit in his time, but nothing compares to this. Can you believe it? Champagne Charlie Costello "warm"? Yeah, and goannas might crawl out of my clacker! About the only way that Costello is warm is in the same way that a freshly laid turd is warm. It's almost as inaccurate as the oft-repeated Tory assertion that I'm a foul-mouthed, sexist, emotionally unstable thug. Now, could anything be further from the truth? |
| Time is on our side |
| 05.26.04 (6:07 pm) [edit] |
|
Go with your gut, that's what I reckon. Your gut always knows more than your head. As so many in the media have noted I've been blessed with a super-savant-grade, mega-massively-parallel cerebellum. But my intestinal wall shits on it every time, fair dinkum. You know how I know this? Because right from the day I nabbed the gig as LOP, my brain was in overdrive conjuring up new ways to nail the Arselicker. But my stomach was just rumbling away there, basically saying: "Don't sweat it Head. He's an old cunt. He's had his day. Just hang in there. Time is on your side." But my head was going: "Shut the fuck up, Gut. Can't be too careful. Can't afford to slacken off... etc." But now I know my gut was right all along: Howard's had his day, and nothing can change that. He's simply past his use-by date. Here's proof. Merely by being 21 years the Arselicker's junior, I've won practically a whole generation to Labor. Yep, my gut was right on the money when it said: "Mark, mate, you're young, a hunk, and chockas with spunk. The Arselicker? He's old, cold, and covered in mould." And then my brain chimed in with, "Fucken oath, Gut. And you know what else? Even when you're an old cunt like he is now, you'll still be 21 years his junior!" Guts and brains working together. How's that for a winning combination, eh? |
| On bloody tenterhooks |
| 05.25.04 (5:04 pm) [edit] |
|
Fair dinkum, that poll was shit hot news to be sure. But as I told my colleagues, we can't afford to become too cocky. Remember when I had that bounce in the polls just after I'd nailed the gig as LOP, and then the arse fell out of it later on? I'm shitting bricks that that might happen again. Then of course, there's my nemesis. Say what you want about the Arselicker - and I certainly have - the sly prick certainly does have superlative timing. He's like a shit-hot standup comedian. But instead of cranking out ball-tearers and gutbusters, he lays everyone in the aisles with political trump cards. You know, like Tampa. Who the fuck would've expected that? To be honest I'm starting to have nightmares about him doing the same thing with me. Had one last night that he personally captures Osama bin Laden. Kind of silly, I know. Still, the sly prick's got me spooked. He's sure to have something up his sleeve. But fucking what? What do you reckon? Any ideas, people? |
| "Stealing" and reeling |
| 05.18.04 (3:39 am) [edit] |
|
Fair dinkum, I'm really starting to arc up about all these accusations of plagiarism. Now a bunch of bloody whippersnappers from up north are accusing me of lifting the phrase "learning or earning". Well, I can assure you that it sprung from my powerful imagination - and mine alone. And if you want to know the real story behind its genesis here it is: A few months back yours truly and a few of the Labor sheilas were having a chin-wag about this whole social capital thing. You know, the bloke crisis, the lack of a sense of community. All that stuff. And I said, "Fuck. We've really got to do something about this bloody rift between chicks and blokes now don't we?" They all agreed. So, I said, "How about a whole new campaign to get them back together? You know, lets encourage them to communicate better, and indulge in fuckwads more rooting!" Not surprisingly they were a tad tentative. But they agreed to hear me out at least. So I summoned my spectacular mental abilities and applied them to the task. In less than a minute, I'd come up with a scintillating cathphrase for this new pro-sex policy: "Talking and Porking." Almost before I knew it I had produced another ball-tearer - this time simultaneously encouraging young couples to pay off their first home: "Owning and Boning." Just think, it would have taken squillions of dollars and months of fart-arsing about for a bunch of pony-tailed wankers to come up with such memorable - and appropriate - campaign titles. But the sheilas weren't that impressed. Carmen and Jenny Mackas both accused me of being "phallocentric" and "patriarchal" (which as far as I know means "blokey"). So I reassured them: "Well these new ideas don't have to only be about rooting. You know, we can whop in a little romance as well. You know, encouraging blokes to be more sensitive and family-oriented." The catchphrase here? "Breeding and Needing." That cheered them up a tad. They were almost ready to go with it. But then they decided that since the nuclear family was the root of all evil, it would best to steer clear of it. "What would the transgendered community think of that?" added Carmen, a tad flustered. "I think they'd find it deeply offensive." I knew that this was one of her pet issues, so I didn't press her on it. I acquiesced and decided to shelve my little trio of rhyming couplets as the gab-fest moved on to other topics. Still, I knew I was onto something truly shit-hot and bonzer. So, when it came to addressing the daunting issue of youth aimlessness, I simply plucked the concept from my awesomely comprehensive memory banks and rehashed it to produced the phrase that so many now want to claim as their own! So there, you have it. That's the truth of the matter. But you wouldn't read about it bloody anywhere except here now would you? |
| Accused of Tory-ism! |
| 05.17.04 (1:38 am) [edit] |
|
The flip-flopping media of this country really are a bloody joke. Now they're having a go at me for being even further to the right than the bloody Nats because I told young tackers to learn or earn! But at least Malcolm Farr has got my angle at least half-right. See, this is the situation: Sly pricks sit up on top of the Ladder of Opportunity, while the less fortunate battlers toil on the lower rungs. Libs are forever banging on about responsibility for those lower down so that they will continue to work their blurters off and line the pockets of the sly pricks up top. But when I bang on about responsibility for those lower down, I'm encouraging the battlers to climb the rungs, so that they can eventually get to the top and throw the sly pricks off! That's the difference. But the hacks can't discern it. They think that just because I'm earning a few bucks and wear a suit, that I automatically become a sly prick-apologist. Fuck off. You can take the boy out of Green Valley. But you sure as shit can't take Green Valley out of the boy! |
| Just couldn't budget! |
| 05.12.04 (7:45 pm) [edit] |
|
G'day people. I've been working my clacker off lately, so a ginormous apology to all the bonzer Aussies out there who are hooked on my blog and are currently going spacko from not having their regular hit of no-holes-barred commentary from yours truly. I've got to say that taking apart the Tory budget has been a huge burden. My prodigiously powerful intellect is up to the gig, no doubt about it. But it's a big-picture brain I have (kind of like Paul's, but fuckwads more visionary) and so I do get a tad shat off with fiscal minutiae. Of course this is Champagne Charlie's home turf, and he revels in it like a pig in shit. He's always out to bamboozle me with details which is why his talk is always full of figures. Fair dinkum, I've been trawling through the little bastards non-stop for days, and it's really done my head in. Still, I won the battle and tonight I'll be offering a pearler of a Budget alternative that shits all over Costello's pettifogging, penny-pinching little number. PS: And speaking of figures that are full, Jenny Mackas just stuck it to the Arselicker big time, exposing his supposedly sheila-friendly Budget for the steaming crock that it is. The Libs are always trying to suck up to the chicks. Isn't it disgraceful? In Labor we never do that. People say that we're always "cow-towing" to the feminist sheilas. Bullshit. They just right on everything that's all. It's called concurring. But of course, the Arselicker and the conga line wouldn't understand that. They look down on women big time, and offer them sly little inducements like the one so empoweredly shot to pieces by Mackas. Misogynist cunts. |